i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
