what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
