I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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