someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize