I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
