theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Farmville is her only friend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
