If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize