and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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