So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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