i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
