my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize