i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
