You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
