some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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