In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
