I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
