Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
