i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
