Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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