This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
