It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
