I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
