help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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