shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
