dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize