remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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