Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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