I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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