history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
