you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
