so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
