we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
