My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
