tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
