I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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