Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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