I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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