I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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