I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
