I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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