I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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