I've blown a few things in my day
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
