I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
