im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
