You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
