Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
