I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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