I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize