he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
