420 ftw
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
