seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
