Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well you can't waste a boner
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
