i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
