I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize