clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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