from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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