i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize