Your face is a jimmy john
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My hand turned me down
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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