Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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