You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
