Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
