Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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