make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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