You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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