my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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