i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
