I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
