Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
