My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize