I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
