and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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