Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
