I am in a vortex of obligation.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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