I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
