I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
