can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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