The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
