sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
