Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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