She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
