We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
