Dual....:-)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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