Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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