Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hippo gnu deer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
