Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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