so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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