you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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