I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
