a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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