HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sex in a hospital.. check
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize