craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
