it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
