His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
