YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
