Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
